Walking and Laughing

When I first began my weight loss journey last June, right out of the gate I began working out 3 - 4 times per week.  I started with a Biggest Loser program for the Wii, doing everything from boxing to yoga, and then threw in some balance ball work for good measure.  In November, I blew out a hamstring and my exercise came to a screeching halt.  In the last several days, however, I've been trying to motivate myself to get up and moving again.  I've still been eating properly and losing weight steadily, but I know I need to start working on building muscle and improving my overall fitness as I lose.

So, that brings me to today...there is a sidewalk that runs around the outside perimeter of the office building where I work, and it is a bit over 1/10th of a mile to walk one lap (approximately 240 steps for me to make one lap, for those who look at it as steps taken, yes, I've counted!).  I only take 30 minutes for lunch, so I've been trying to take part of that time and go out and walk anywhere from 5 to 10 quick laps every day when it's not raining.  It's not very exciting, but it goes by quick and it's getting the job done and getting me back into the swing of things.

I don't particularly like to listen to music while I work out.  Perhaps it's all the years I spent in marching band throughout high school and college, but I tend to pace myself to the tempo of whatever music is playing rather than keeping up with the speed or intensity I really need to be at during exercise.  As a result, I typically listen to preaching podcasts, audiobooks, or to other speakers while I work out, and walking is no exception. 

Today, I happened to pick one of my new favorites, a humorist named Jeanne Robertson.  With my earbuds plugged in, I was listening to her tell funny stories as she exampled living a life that finds the humor in every situation.  Since it was lunchtime, several people were coming and going around the building, and I noticed I was getting lots of strange looks.  Then, I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the windows, and saw that I was walking around with this huge goofy grin on my face, and realized I had also been laughing out loud as I walked!  Since my hair covers the earbuds, people must have thought I was loopy!  There I was...just walking and laughing, going around...and around...and around the building!

                   "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine" Proverbs 17:22

Daddy's Example

Today is the 12-year anniversary of the death of my dad.  When I think back, there is so much emotion tied to my childhood and young adult years where he is concerned, but I will not delve into that here.  Suffice it to say that I am so very thankful that my dad chose to receive Christ into his life a few months before he died, and the knowledge that I’ll spend eternity with him in heaven brings peace and joy to my heart, and I’m thankful for the handful of beautiful memories our family has from the last few months he was alive.

What is pertinent to my weight loss journey and this blog, however, is the terrible relationship my dad had with food, and the example it set for me while I was growing up.  As a young man, my dad was very trim, and so handsome!  Looking at my mom and dad’s wedding photos, he very much resembled Clark Gable when he played the role of Rhett Butler in “Gone With the Wind”.  As the years went by though, my dad became less and less active, all the while eating more and more, and it took a toll on his body.

Never one to eat breakfast, my mom would pack lunches for my dad to carry to work with him, and typically, he wanted nothing more than a sandwich or two and a bag of chips.  When he got home from work is when the real eating would begin.  My mom always prepared large dinner meals, usually consisting of a meat, two or three side dishes (most of which were processed foods), and a salad, and there was always ice cream, donuts, and other sweets around for dessert.  After eating large portions of everything she prepared, along with a 32oz. glass of sweet tea, Daddy would go to their bedroom to watch television before going to sleep.  Within an hour, he would begin snacking, which might consist of an entire package of cookies, or a whole box of cereal.  Another of his regular snacks was a jar of peanut butter mixed with a jar of jelly, eaten with either a half loaf of bread or a half box of crackers, and another 32oz. glass of milk.  Sometimes he would have more than one of these enormous snacks in the same evening.

Every so often, my dad would bounce to the other extreme with his eating patterns.  He would decide that he had put on too much weight, and he would get angry about it.  He would blame my mother, saying that she wasn’t cooking healthy meals for our family, and demand that she only fix him salads with cottage cheese for lunch and for dinner.  Mama would comply, but within a day or two, Daddy was eating his salads during the day, and would revert back to his snacks at night, and before you knew it, he’d want to return to the regular meals Mama had always made and the cycle would begin all over again.

I can honestly say that I loved my dad dearly, but I don’t ever want to be like him where food is concerned.  I don’t know what he weighed when he died, but if I had to guess, I would say he had to have been in the 400-500 pound range.  He was 54 years old and died from a massive heart attack that just very well may have been prevented if he had lived a healthier lifestyle.  I hate to think of all the things he missed out on…he never got to meet my wonderful husband or walk me down the aisle at our wedding…he never got to be Papaw to my children…he never got to enjoy his retirement years off of work…he never got to know two of my sister’s beautiful children…he never got to fulfill his dream of visiting Ireland…the list goes on and on…

So…one of the reasons why I’ve committed to my own weight loss journey is that I don’t want my life to be characterized by the “I never’s…”  I want to be able to be a great example of a healthy lifestyle for my own children, and to live my life fully, every single day.

I love you Daddy, and I miss you terribly…but I refuse to be like you…

Blueberries or Chocolate?

Every day, I eat within a certain amount of calories which, based on my height and current weight and a few other factors, is supposed to be the right amount for me to lose at a healthy rate of about 2 pounds per week.  That amount is calculated by the food journal app I use on my phone, and so far, it has been extremely accurate.  Having a daily calorie “budget” to work with means that some days are more challenging than others when it comes planning my meals, but more often than not, I usually end the day with anywhere from 100-300 calories that I haven’t eaten by the time dinner is over. 

All that being said, a few days ago, I came to the end of the day and realized I still had almost 500 calories left I hadn’t eaten.  My husband had bought a bag of peanut butter M&M’s, which used to be one of my favorite candies.  Before you think that it was mean of him to even bring them into the house, I’ll tell you that, from the beginning, my weight loss journey has been about learning to live my life by making healthy choices, portion control, and moderation in my relationship with food.  Part of that, is knowing that I cannot isolate myself into a sugar-free world!  I’ll be faced with holidays, birthday parties, and every other celebration and sweet snack-fest imaginable for the rest of my life…and I needed to learn how to eat with balance, instead of abandon, in every situation.  So, I can’t be afraid of sweets being in my house.

Back to the M&M’s…With so many calories left for the day, I decided to have some.  I measured an exact portion (yes, I weighed candy on my food scale!), which would still only use half of the calories I had available.  I sat down to eat them, and after the first two, realized that they just didn’t taste very sweet to me, and I wasn’t really enjoying them like I used to.  The following morning, I grabbed a handful of fresh blueberries at breakfast and had the startling realization that the blueberries tasted much sweeter, and were far more satisfying to me than the candy was the night before! 

Most changes are hard to make, initially.  A year ago, you never could have convinced me that I’d rather have blueberries than chocolate.  I’m sorry to say that, in the past, I was “that person”…you know, the one who couldn’t keep a bag of candy in my desk drawer for an entire day…if I opened it at 8am, it would be empty by 3pm, with nothing to show for it but a pile of empty wrappers and another pound added to my hips.  But today, little more than 8 months later, I’m a completely different person than I was back then.  It’s not that I have to make myself stay away from the junk food anymore, I just really don’t even want it these days. 

Throughout these last several months, one of my prayers has been something along the lines of, “Lord, help me to change my eating habits.  I want to make good choices that are healthy for my body and pleasing to You.”  I believe He has answered my prayer and that God is truly helping me make the changes I could not possibly make on my own.  For that, I am most thankful!

“O taste and see that the LORD is good…” Psalm 34:8

Shopping Victory

February is over, and I’m happy to report that I lost 15.2 pounds in the first two months of 2012.  I would have liked it to have been more, but when you’re losing weight, the tendency is to ALWAYS want it to have been more than whatever it actually was for any given period of time! I’m working hard and have a goal of reaching the major milestone of the 100 pounds lost mark sometime in May and feel great about my progress towards that goal.

Let me share another milestone...

As long as I can ever remember, I’ve always had to purchase my clothes from exclusively “plus-sized” stores.  Even as a 12-year-old, my mom was buying my clothes from a shop back home in Michigan that was called “14/16 Plus” (not something you want to admit, especially at that age!).  For my entire adult life, I’ve been limited to two stores, and a couple of mail-order catalogs to find my size.  The plus sized sections of most regular stores didn't even carry my size.  When you’re someone who loves cute clothes like I do, it’s awful to be so limited in your choices!

A couple of weeks ago, I got the wild idea to try ordering a pair of jeans from Old Navy.  While they don’t carry larger sizes in their stores, they do have their own plus-sized line available through their website.  The avid shopper I am, I got carried away and ordered not just the pair of jeans, but also a denim skirt as well, fully believing that they would arrive and not even be close to fitting, and I would have to put them away and try them on again after I lose a lot more weight.  To my great surprise, the jeans fit beautifully, and after the few pounds I’ve lost since they arrived, they’re starting to feel a bit loose in the waist already!  The skirt though…WAY TOO BIG!!!  I’ve actually had to send it back to exchange it for a smaller size! 

Now, being excited that a skirt is too big may seem silly to most people, but for me, it felt like a huge victory!  Just to be able to shop at a “regular” store (albeit through their plus-sized line), is something I’ve never been able to do before, and feels ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!  I can’t wait to make it out of the plus-sizes altogether so that I can walk into any store I want to shop in, and the best thing is, I know that day is coming!

Cheerleaders

I have passed the 75 pounds lost milestone!  I should have posted a few days ago to celebrate, but have been so busy, I haven’t had a chance.  I am currently at a total loss of 77.8 pounds, as of this morning.  That 100 pound mark will be here before I know it!

As I continue to lose weight, I’m finding people’s reactions to be interesting.  A few snippets:

Back when I was at the 63 pounds lost mark, I went to new doctor, and as he was reviewing the nurses notes and doing his intake assessment, he looked at the notes, then up at me, then back to his notes, then looked at me and asked, “You’ve LOST 63 pounds???” The tone in his voice and the look on his face said he thought the nurse had written it down wrong and that it was more likely that I had GAINED the weight, instead of losing it.  I responded saying, “YES!  I have LOST the weight…”  He replied, “Oh, okay.  I wasn’t sure if I had read that right…”

On the flip side…

I went for a visit to my regular primary care physician’s office right around the 70 pounds lost mark, and the nurse was so excited when she read the number on the scale.  She then asked me how in the world I was doing it, and proceeded to write down everything I told her, saying that I looked wonderful and that she needed to do whatever I was doing!

On another occasion…

I attended an event recently, and a good friend came by my table and asked me how much I had lost.  At that point, it was 74 pounds.  She was very encouraging to me about it, and as she walked away, I felt great about myself!  Another person at the table, however, looked me up and down, raised an eyebrow, and said, “74 pounds?  Really???” With a look that clearly stated that she didn’t believe I had lost weight.

I guess I share all of that, to say, that the realization I’ve had is this…

Not everyone is going to be my cheerleader…and I’m okay with that!

Weight loss is something very personal.  And, while some people may notice the changes I’m experiencing and comment positively, others may not.  In the end, it doesn’t really matter what others may think, because I’m doing this, first and foremost, to be obedient to the things I believe God has spoken to me.  I’m also doing this to become healthier and to beat the odds that my extended family has established and experienced in the past.  I’ve been blessed to be very healthy to this point, and that’s the way I want to keep it as I get older.  I want to be able to be active with my family, and in the ministry, and I don’t want to be hindered by illness or mobility issues.  Those are just a few of the reasons for me to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle.

Even though everyone I encounter certainly won’t care about my journey, I’ve been blessed with a handful of close friends who are such an encouragement to me, and those are the voices I have chosen to allow to speak into my life.  To each of you, I say a huge THANK YOU!!! 

8 Months – 74.1 pounds

I have just crossed the 8-month mark in my journey.  During the month, I lost 6.8 pounds, which brings me to a grand total 74.1 pounds so far.  I’m happy with my progress, but I would have liked to have crossed the 75-pound mark this month.  It’s so close!

In the last few days, I think that I have caught some kind of mental “second wind” so to speak.  When I started on this path, I set several goals for myself.  I’ve been trying to focus on these smaller, “mini-goals” to keep myself encouraged and motivated along the way.  It has been good to feel the sense of accomplishment that has come every so often with reaching those levels.  They have come in different forms.  For instance, while some are specific pounds to lose, others include being able to wear a smaller size jeans, increased endurance while walking longer distances, and getting rid of all of the clothes I had in my closet that were too big. 

From the beginning, however, the number of pounds I need to lose to reach my ultimate goal weight has seemed ridiculous, it’s so large a number, and I’ve had so many times where I doubted that I could ever lose that much.  I want to...I need to…I’m trying to…but I often wondered if I really could?  This week, though, something has changed in me.  For the first time since I began, I really and truly believe that I will reach my ultimate goal.  It doesn’t feel like something I’m just hoping and trying to do, but is something I am actually going to accomplish! 

A good friend sent me an email this morning.  She told me that when our pastors were standing up front at church this past Sunday morning, that when she saw me, at first, she didn’t realize it was me because my face had changed so much with my weight loss.  Her words were a great encouragement to me, and as the day has went on, I’ve been thinking a lot about her statement.  My friend may have been talking about my outward appearance, but when I look inside myself these days, I hardly recognize myself either.  I’ve realized that I’m losing more than just pounds…

Gone are the excuses as to why I got as heavy as I did. 

Gone is the lax attitude I had about gaining weight (I’ve been overweight my entire life, but was shocked to realize that, before I started working on losing weight last June, I had gained, on average, a pound a month for the prior seven years!)

Gone is the girl who would stand in front of the mirror and weep because she was so disgusted with herself. 

Gone is the feeling of helplessness about my weight.

Gone is the fear of failure.

In place of these things, there stands a strong woman.  One who can accomplish much and has no reason to limit herself.  One who now understands that she is not alone.  Her isolation was self-imposed, and she will never return to that place again.  One who knows that her heavenly father cares about every aspect of her life in a whole new way.  One who will live the rest of her life in freedom!

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”  Philippians 4:13

7 Months, 67.3 Pounds

Time for a progress update!  As of my month 7 weigh in on 1/17/12, I’ve officially lost 67.3 pounds, which means I lost a total of 6 pounds for the month (because of the date I started, I do my official monthly weigh-in’s on the 17^th of each month).  This has been the lowest monthly loss I’ve had since I started this journey, and while I’m not too pleased with that number, I at least know exactly where it came from and why it wasn’t more.  Basically, From December 8, 2011 through January 4, 2012, I allowed myself extra calories for the holiday season, and during that time, I only lost 1.3 pounds.  Not stellar performance, by far, but I held my ground, and I guess that’s the point of a maintenance phase!  On January 5, 2012, I returned to eating at a loss level, and as of this morning, I’ve lost 5.1 pounds in the last 13 days.  Now, that feels more like it!

On a fun note…I spent several hours this past weekend cleaning out my closets, and although that normally seems like a chore, it was fun seeing how many things just don’t fit anymore because they’re way too big!  Admittedly, I am a “clothes-a-holic” although I will note that I’m also the queen of clearance shopping and typically don’t pay anywhere near full price for anything.  I may shop a lot, but I don’t spend a lot, so my husband doesn’t roll his eyes at me too much when I come home with something new.  J 

It’s interesting, the emotional connection we can develop to certain clothing items.  As I pulled each garment out of my closet, I thought of times I had worn each one…the dress I left the church in after our reception when my husband and I got married…the jacket I wore when I sang with our church worship team and we did a live video recording for our TV broadcast…the outfit I put together for a job interview…a beautiful sequined black dress I wore to a Christmas party…the list goes on and on (I have a big closet!) Anyway, while I did keep my wedding dress and my get-away dress for sentimental reasons, there was something incredibly refreshing about pulling out all those other things.  This is a new season in my life, and while I have wonderful memories of the past, I’m ready to embrace the future…while wearing a much smaller size!

Now, I just need to find a way to sell what I don’t need any more.  I’ve given away about half of what I had, and am hopeful to sell the other half to generate some funds for new purchases as I lose and continue to need smaller sizes.  I’ve got a lot…like 10-12 large plastic totes full.  I’d love to sell them all in one lot, since it’s a complete year-round wardrobe, and don’t really want to hassle with a consignment shop or yard sale.  Feel free to leave me a comment if you have any suggestions!

One Pound at at TIme

Just a quick post to say how excited I was when I stepped onto the scale this morning!  After spending the last two weeks in "maintenance mode" and allowing myself a few extra calories per day over the holidays, I re-set my daily intake back to my loss level on Tuesday.  In the last two days since then, I've lost 1.1 pounds.  What makes that feel even better, is that loss is off of my pre-holiday weight.  I didn't gain anything over the holidays, so I'm not having to make up any lost ground.  Yippeee!!  63.7 pounds in total now and I'm ready to hit it hard in this new year!

The Pit of Comparison

Last night I sat down to watch the premiere of the new run of "The Biggest Loser" on TV.  Of all the many years this particular show has been on, I've only watched one or two seasons of it.  With as busy as my schedule tends to be, I just don't have the ability to watch any show on a regular basis, but that's not the only reason.  If I'm truthful with myself, another reason I haven't watched it in the past is because I had a hard time watching other people do what I longed to do myself, but had not done, which was lose weight. 

When I decided to watch the show yesterday, I approached it from a different perspective.  I thought that maybe I could learn a few things about various approaches to working out and pick up some pointers.  Or maybe I would feel encouraged, because I am working my own path to fitness, and maybe some contestant's story would ring similar to my own.  Instead, however, I experienced something I was not prepared for...as each of the contestants weighed in, I started comparing myself to each of them.  What was their starting weight?  What was my starting weight compared to theirs?  Was I really as big when I started as they look on TV at their starting point?  On and on it went, and by the end of the show, I was starting to feel depressed and felt like I had not accomplished much, if anything, in the last six months because they had lost so much in just one week (never mind the fact that they are secluded away with their only responsibilities being to work out and learn to eat right, alongside of professional trainers and unrestricted gym access!!!)

Wow!  What a mind trap that is brought on when you start comparing yourself to others!  I had to stop and re-focus myself before I let my thoughts take me too far.  When it comes to weight loss (and many, many other things in life, for that matter), you just cannot compare your progress with anyone else.  Each person's journey is as different and unique as each different body.  The foods and food habits I struggle with and am learning to overcome are different from other people's.  In addition, I had to reach a certain place in my own life before I was ready to committ to the changes that are necessary to bring my body into a healthy place, and each person has to do that themselves, in their own way.  No one can force it on anyone else, just like no one can expect their body to react the exact same way as anyone else's. 

Going forward, I refuse to make comparisons any more.  I will cheer for the accomplishments of others, and will not let their victories steal away my own!

6 Months and 61.3 Pounds Lighter!

Well, I'm almost two weeks late in putting up a 6-month post, but here it is!  I'm not really sure that anyone actually still reads my blog or not, seeing that my posts have become few and far between, but in any event, it will make for a good journal for myself to look back on, if nothing else.  :)

At my 6-month mark, I had lost a total of 61.3 pounds, and most of the time, I'm pretty happy about that.  Sometimes, though, when I look at how much more I still need to lose before reaching my ultimate goal, it can be very easy to get discouraged.  Isn't that how our big goals can get though?  So often, people are excited and motivated at the beginning of a journey, but then (as one pastor I heard called it) you find yourself trudging through "the valley of in-between" and things can go awry if you're not careful.  This is the place where the hard work really happens, and as a result, it's also the place that most people give up.  It's here that the new-ness of beginning the adventure has faded, but the finish line isn't yet in sight.  It's the place where I've had to stop and look and remind myself that I'll never get past the 100-pounds-lost mark if I don't make it past 60, 70, 80, and 90 first.  And that means that I have to do what I know is the best thing for my body, no matter what.

That being said, I'm happy to be able to say that the Christmas holiday season and it's selection of tempting treats has not gotten the best of me.  I purposely made the decision ahead of time that I would increase my daily calorie allowance for the last few days to put myself at a maintenance level, instead of a loss level.  It was the best way for me to be able to approach the parties, dinners, and events with a sense of balance.  I've still faithfully logged every bite I've eaten into my food journal to make sure I stay on track, and as I've stepped onto the scale each morning, I've experienced a great feeling of accomplishment.  I've eaten a couple of the cookies my boys made, enjoyed Christmas dinner and eating out with family and friends, and will have a piece of my son's birthday cake this weekend, all without guilt, and without adding any pounds.  In fact, I've still even lost a little during this time anyway!  In my opinion, that equals success!

As I prepare to return my daily caloric intake to loss levels again on Sunday, I look forward to launching into 2012 with the confidence of knowing that I will reach the 100-pounds-lost mark and beyond in this new year!  I CAN and WILL do this!

5 Months & 53 Pounds!

Well, I crossed the five month mark this week, and have lost a total of 53 pounds so far!  I'm thankful for the progress, and have set a mini-goal of losing at least another 10-12 pounds by the end of the year. 

If I'm honest about it, the past month has held its share of frustrations on this journey.  I managed to blow out a hamstring about two weeks ago, and while I'm recovering pretty well and walking without the crutches now, I'm still experiencing a great deal of pain in and behind my knee that has sidelined my aroebic exercise until it heals.  Maybe I just need to see it as a good opportunity to pull the balance ball back out and do some core strength training! 

The last few weeks have been pretty emotional for me.  I'm at the point where I've lost, what many people would say is a lot of weight.  I mean, I've lost more than my 5-year-old son weighs, and that's pretty exciting and makes me feel good about my accomplishments so far!  But at the same time, I have SO far still to go.  And that seems daunting some days.  I guess that's why I continually think of this as a journey.  There are no shortcuts.  It requires putting one foot in front of the other every single day, and one of these days, maybe even before I know it, I'll reach my goal, look back, and realize it was worth the trip!

Somebody Else's Clothes

I have officially crossed the 40 pounds lost mark!!!

While I’m excited about the progress I’m making, the interesting thing is that when I look in the mirror, I don’t really see that much of a difference yet.  I know that I’m losing well and consistently, and at a healthy rate, but I’m having a hard time visualizing it.  Where I am realizing the change, however, is in my clothes!  Everything that was tight 3 months ago, is now loose, and everything that fit well three months ago has gotten way too big.  While digging through my closet this week, I ran across a couple of shirts with the tags still on them that I bought on clearance at the end of the fall season last year and put away for this year.  They’re so big on me now that I will not be wearing them this year after all!  I think I see a trip to the consignment shop in my near future!

While my husband and I were talking about all of this last night, I told him that my clothes are getting so big on me, that I feel like I’m walking around in someone else’s clothes!  These things just don’t fit the new me!  The more I’ve thought about that, I’ve found that it bears a striking resemblance to certain aspects of a healthy, growing, spiritual walk in Christ.  Let me explain…

It’s like those areas in your life where God has spoken to you about change.  When you follow His leading, little by little, He begins to change the shape of your thoughts, dreams, and ideas.  At some point down the road, you realize that the mindsets you had before - the attitudes and actions that were comfortable like a pair of well-worn pair of jeans - just don’t fit who you are anymore.  God is helping you learn to become sharper, more focused, and more purposeful in your calling, and you may not even realize it until one day you are faced with a situation where you can either respond as the person you WERE or the person God is helping you BECOME.  To react with your old nature would be like me wearing my pants that are now too big…my hands are trying to hold them up at the waist, while they’re hanging so long I’m tripping over the hems and I’m rendered clumsy and ineffective.  To act from your new, changed place, however, is like wearing a custom-tailored garment.  It was made just for you!

“…take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you…” - Ephesians 4:22-24, The Message

33.3 in 3!

Well friends, today is the 3 month anniversary of my new, healthier lifestyle and I have officially lost 33.3 pounds in the past 3 months! 

I've been thinking a great deal lately about perseverance. As with most major changes people willingly make, there's an initial rush of excitement that fuels motivation, and although it starts you off with a bang, that warm and fuzzy feeling doesn't last forever. When the "honeymoon" phase is over, that's when you find out whether or not you truly made a committment to your decision, or whether it was merely a good thought at the time but not worth the effort to continue for the long haul.

In our early morning service at church on Sunday, I was listening to Pastor Paul talk about the Christian walk, and how it's not always about what you feel, it's about what you know to be true.  He went on to talk about how, if you just keep on doing what you know you're supposed to do, whether you feel like it or not, one day you're going to reap the reward of your faithfulness.  Although this is not a new concept to me, I had never really thought about it in terms of the decision I made to overhaul my lifestyle and strive for good health until I heard him preaching it this week.   

You see, over the last three months, I have kept a journal of EVERY SINGLE BITE of food I have eaten.  Since I am eating within a specific calorie count each day to target a healthy rate of weight loss, I use an app on my phone to log in everything I eat.  (So if you see me at a restaurant with my phone in my hand while looking through the menu, just know that I'm not THAT addicted to checking my email, I'm just trying to figure out what I can eat and get it logged!)  Even though I have a great affinity for all things numerical, organizational, and generally spreadsheet oriented, logging my food and seeing the nutritional content every time I eat is just not as "fun" as it was in the beginning. 

My commitment to logging my food and sticking to it, whether I feel like it or not, is paying off with each pound I lose.  In the process, I'm learning exactly what proper portions look like, I'm reviewing my nutritional intake on a macro level in addition to counting calories (which allows me to make sure my body is not just getting the right number of calories, but also the right balance of foods), and I'm instilling a sense of discipline in my life regarding food that I have never had before.  One day, when I reach my goal weight, I'll look back and know that it was definitely worth the time and effort I put into keeping up with my journal.  So...I'm going to keep on logging, whether I feel like it or not!

I Can't Believe I'm Saying This...

It's 9:30pm, and I've had a long, full day, involving working late, and then frustrations with my computer at home preventing me from getting all the work done here I needed to as quickly as I would have like to have finished this evening.  However, I can't go to bed yet...I actually WANT to go do my workout.  I never would have thought I would ever find myself combining the words "want" and "workout" in the same sentence, unless, of course, it began with "I do not..."! 

Good-Bye 25!

Saying "good-bye" to my first 25 pounds! Crossed it in my weigh-in this morning. Have now officially lost 25.8 pounds! So thankful!

I have set several mini-goals for myself in 25 pound increments and it feels good to have reached my first milestone in this journey. I still have a long way to go, but I believe that I'm finally on the right path.

For now...it's time to hit my morning workout, there's a fit-boxing routine with my name on it just waiting for me! :)

What a Difference Two Months Can Make!

Well, two months ago I began this journey towards a healthy lifestyle.  On June 16th I recorded my daily caloric intake without making any eating adjustments in order to get a baseline count of the way I had been eating, and on June 17th I began eating to stay within a healthy calorie count and proper nutritional values each day.  As a result, I’m so excited at the changes I’ve already been experiencing up to this point, including:

- So far, I have lost 23.4 pounds, which means I have been averaging about 2.75 pounds lost for each of the last 8.5 weeks.

- Most of my shirts are starting to get a bit billowy, and my pants are feeling baggy.  I have to wear my sweats and shorts that have ties in the waistband when I work out, or else I can’t hang onto them.

- For most people to look at me, they probably wouldn’t notice too much of a difference yet, but my husband can reach his arms around me farther when he hugs me.

- My six-year-old told me, “Mom, your arms and legs look smaller than before!”

- The space between me and the steering wheel in the car is growing wider.

- I have not had to take any acid reflux medicine in six weeks.  Every symptom of G.E.R.D. has completely disappeared!  (This is a HUGE milestone, considering the reflux had gotten so bad that I had been taking up to 2 reflux meds a day for several months, and it had even sent me to the ER on three separate occasions, one of which, the doctors thought I had been having a heart attack but it turned out to be reflux).

- The workouts I’ve been doing are helping to build my core strength and flexibility, and I seem to be experiencing a lessening of the pain I’ve had in my back for the last two years since I got hurt when I fell at the park.  I believe that the more weight I lose and the stronger I become, my back is going to be completely healed as well!

- I have not exceeded my daily calorie limit, not even once.  In fact, I am typically well under it each day.  In doing so, I’ve been able to make my new lifestyle fit within my family lifestyle, which includes eating out anywhere from 1-4 times per week and I have been eating the same meals with my family that we cook at home.  My entire family is benefitting from healthier choices at home! 

- I’ve also made it through church potlucks, holiday cookouts, birthdays, and other celebrations.  I haven’t felt deprived, but rather, have learned to use my organization and planning skills to prepare for each event ahead of time.  This isn’t a diet, it’s my new way of living.

- Through it all, I’m finding it refreshing to no longer be stuck in an unhealthy food rut, and I’m rejoicing in the strength and direction I have that can only come from God.  I’m finding a greater joy and satisfaction in Christ as I grow in this area of self-control. 

I’m so thankful to have finally moved out of just wishing and dreaming about losing weight and getting healthy, and have stepped into the realm of identifying a clear vision for the future, setting goals, and actually doing something about advancing towards those goals.

I praise God for change!

Refuse to Settle

Several years ago, back before I was married, a good friend of mine used to always tell me, “Don’t ever settle for less than God’s best for you!”  In that particular context, she was encouraging me to make sure that the man I allowed to court me was a man of honor and integrity, who exhibited godly character and actions.  I internalized her admonition, and although at times it made me seem picky in others’ eyes, it resulted in me marrying the most incredible man God could have given me.  He surpassed my wildest dreams and I in no way settled.  My husband truly is my Superman!

Recently, I’ve been reminded of that wise counsel of my friend, as I have been on this journey towards a healthy lifestyle.  I’ve just finished reading a book that really hit home for me titled “Made to Crave” by Lysa TerKeurst.  In it, the author encourages her readers to refuse to settle for less than God’s best when it comes to the way they treat their body and what they allow into it.  Wow…what an eye opening concept for me! 

Those who know me well know that I have pretty high standards in most areas.  I work hard and when I commit to something, I give it everything I’ve got.  Even though I may not always attain it, I really strive for excellence in everything I do…or so I thought.  I’ve come to realize that, for years now, I have been settling for far less than the best God has for me with my weight and health, and have not been walking in the excellence He designed me to have in this area.  As a result, I’ve found myself repenting before God for my careless, “come what may” attitude towards eating.  The beautiful thing?  God hears, forgives, and gives me the strength to change.

One of the biggest truths I have learned over the last few weeks is that, as Lysa TerKeurst put it, I am on a, “significant spiritual journey with great physical benefits.”

Excuses

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life, and wondering why it has taken me until the age of 39 to get my act together and come to the realizations I have about my choices in regards to physical health.  In doing so, I have come to the conclusion that I've been plagued by a notorious disease that is found in our society in epic proportions.  It's called..."Excuse-itis"! 

Here is my own personal revelation on excuses:

For every 100 excuses, very few true reasons actually emerge,
and with a little bit of creativity, even most of those reasons can be overcome. 
Once overcome, I am released from what I have been
and propelled into what I am to become!

Excuses are so easy to come by.  They're free and plentiful, but they have drastic consequences.  Excuses steal motivation, breed procrastination, and prohibit progression!

These are a few of the excuses I have dealth with in the past, and my new "no excuse" list of the ways I am overcoming them:

I have no excuse to not eat right.  Even if I feel like it costs more to buy fresh fruits and vegetables than it does to buy processed foods, I can read lables, measure my portions, and choose wisely what I do purchase and consume.  In actuality, I'm spending far less now for much higher quality meats and produce, because food goes farther when I eat the correct portions, and I can actually eat for an entire day or more on what I used to spend on fast food for one meal.

I have no excuse not to exercise.  If my schedule is so hectic that I cannot find even 30 minutes a day to take care of my body, then I'm not managing my time well.  Admittedly, I have a tremendously busy schedule, I'm a wife, a mom to two young boys, a full-time employee with a 50-mile daily commute, a college student with papers to write, textbooks to read, and tests to take, a lay-pastor with responsibilities that require a fair amount of time outside of Sunday and Wednsday services, and a friend and family member to the other dear people God has given me that are close to me.  If I want to be able to successfully manage everything else in my life, I must plan time to do everything I can to help my body stay strong and healthy.  It will make me better able to accomplish everything else!

I have no excuse to feel self-conscious about exercising.  For a long time, I have been afraid of feeling of looking silly trying to exercise at my current weight.  Now, in truth, how ridiculous is that?!  At my weight I really need the exercise!  I allowed myself to believe that because I don't have anywhere in my house with enough space that I could lock myself away to exercise in complete privacy, that I couldn't do it at all.  Finally, I decided enough was enough!  I took a deep breath, ordered exercise DVDs, the Biggest Loser Challenge for our Wii, some good cross-training shoes, hand weights, a yoga mat, and a balance ball.  I pushed the big footstool out from in front of the couch in the livingroom, and told my husband this was something I had to do and the only place with enough space to do it was right there, in the middle of the house!  With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and told me how proud of me he was.  I sat my kids down and told them that mommy was going to start taking care of her body and get healthy to be there for them for a long, long time.  And now, my 6-year-old has become my workout buddy!  He loves to put on his shoes and work out right alongside of me and cheer me on.  And that makes me cry...in a very good way!

So, no more excuses! 

Sweet Victories

I can hardly believe that I am now five weeks and three days into this journey! As of today, I have lost 15.2 pounds simply by changing my eating patterns and am starting to notice small differences in certain areas. For instance, I find that I am sleeping better and feel more rested when I wake up, and my husband says he can see it in my eyes that I'm feeling better than I have in a long while. I keep thinking that if I'm already seeing a change just in this short amount of time, I can't imagine how great I will feel a year from now!

I believe the thing I still find most amazing, is the change in my entire outlook and perspective on food in general. Quite honestly, for the first time in my life, I'm thinking about what I eat and what type of effect it will have on my body. I can truly say that the last five weeks have been the most balanced I've ever experienced in this area, and it feels wonderful! God truly gets all of the glory, because I know that He is the one who is making these changes in me and helping me find the healing I never before realized I needed, and He is giving me the strength, day by day, to walk it out. I am so grateful that He would reach into my life in this manner and care about my life in this way.

I have just began adding exercise into my life the last few days, and although I can hardly believe I am saying this, I actually like it! Right now, I'm starting with 30 minutes a day with the Biggest Loser Challenge for the Wii, and am actually having a lot of fun with it. Don't get me wrong, it's hard work (and I must admit, sometimes I talk back back to the TV, telling the computerized "Bob" to hush, because I am giving it everything I've got while grunting and sweating and plugging along through my workout), however, the feeling of accomplishment I get from actually doing it, combined with how good my body feels when I'm done, makes it worth it.

So...these days, I'm realizing that victory is indeed sweet, but not because it's filled with sugar, but because of the sweet feeling of serving God through my choices and feeling Him working in this new area of my life!

Freedom

Happy 4th of July!

There are so many things to celebrate on Independence Day...First, I must say that I am thankful for the great freedoms we experience here in the United States. With so many friends and family members who have served, or are currently serving in the military, the reality of a soldier's sacrifice is no light matter to me. I do not take for granted all they have given so that I can know the peace I enjoy.

Also, I would be remiss in not acknowledging the life of freedom I have in Christ, which is beautiful, almost beyond description, when compared to the bondage I experienced before I knew Him.

I am also celebrating another type of freedom today. The freedom from the "polyester" life I lived for so long. Have I lost all the weight I need to, in order to slide into some sleek spandex workout clothes and run with graceful, long strides down the street? One look at my progress icon on the side of my page will tell you that I've only just reached 9 pounds lost, meaning there are many, many more to go. Rather, I've been set free from the polyester mindset that has held me captive for as long as I can remember. Let me explain...

God has been dealing with me for some time about choices. The choices I make either honor God, or show Him dishonor. By eating things that are destructive to my body, I am disrespecting Him with my choice. I'm littering the landscape of His creation that He made in His own image. Does God want me to enjoy food? Absolutely! Eating was His idea in the first place, remember? But what I eat, and how much I eat, are critical factors that have been out of balance in my life for years.

You see, the polyester mindset kept me bound in unhealthy practices. It made me feel like I had no control over what happened to my body, so why bother trying to do something differently, since it wouldn't make a difference anyway. That destructive perspective fed me lies and fooled me into believing that I would always be what I had always been. This is one of the tricks Satan plays to keep people stuck in their circumstances like one who is trapped in quicksand. The more they fight and struggle to get out, the faster they sink, so the best thing to do, is nothing. Stop attempting to climb out, and make the most of the few minutes you have left, all the while knowing that you've given in to something that is stealing your life away, one inch at a time.

Almost three weeks ago, God mercifully pulled me out of the pit I was in, and I am no longer sinking into oblivion. In truth, I have a hard time putting into words the feelings of freedom I have been experiencing. It's like this area of my life has been born again! Sound a little dramatic to you? Well, I can't help it! The change that has come about in my thinking and perspective is quite unlike anything I've ever experienced, second only to salvation. The way that I look at food has changed altogether. I believe that I was addicted to food all those years, and that the changes I'm currently experiencing is the release from that addiction. The result? I'm finding a new level of dependence on God in ways I never realized I had been missing.

I have a long journey in front of me that will require work, diligence, and faith that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God has blessed me with some incredible friends who are at different stages on their own paths, that are such an encouragement and blessing to me in this, and for that, I am most grateful.

In the end, it is through our dependence on God that we find our independence from the things that try to hold us captive, and we truly learn what freedom means.

Happy Independence Day!